


Five Times Dakin Felt Inadequate As A Father, And One Time He Didn’t

by Gleaming_Spires (cuppaktea)



Category: History Boys (2006), History Boys - All Media Types, History Boys - Bennett
Genre: Beware The Dreaded Kidfic, F/M, Five times + one trope, I Blame Sam, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26425045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuppaktea/pseuds/Gleaming_Spires
Summary: Dakin adjusts to fatherhood, and can't help but feel he's not a natural. (Or snippets of Dakin's family life)A follow on to The New Normal
Relationships: OFC/OMC, Past Dakin/OFC, Stuart Dakin/Tom Irwin, mention of David Posner/Don Scripps
Comments: 52
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stuartdakins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuartdakins/gifts).



> This is all stuartdakins's fault. Blame him.

The first night Alexander spends with them is more stressful than Dakin could ever have imagined.

He’s been looking forward to it for weeks. The days dragging and the nights empty while he waits for Alex to be big enough and for Jess to be ready to leave him for a few hours.

Stu’s been round almost every day, and knows how to hold him and feed him and change his nappy, but it’s not the same.

The only thing that keeps him sane in those weeks is moving in with Tom at long last. Abandoning his soulless flat and eagerly starting to put down roots in Irwin’s split level shoebox with its single glazing and Victorian plumbing. Whenever he can’t bear the separation from the boy he barely knows, Tom is there to kick him up the arse, putting him to work shifting boxes out of the spare room and transforming it into Alexander’s room.

Six weeks after the birth, the day finally arrives. The room is ready and he’s taken a half-day from work. He’s even changed, for Christ’s sake, like it’s a date. Jess drops off the baby with milk, bottles, toys and blankets and a strangely evil glint in her eye. Stu had imagined more along the lines of prising Alexander from her arms as she tried not to weep, but he doesn’t spend much time pondering it.

“Call me if there’s an emergency ok?”

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll be fine, won’t we, Pickle?” He coos into Alex’s little pink face. “Cup of tea?" He adds, not even glancing at her.

“No thanks, I’ll shoot off. You sure you're ok?”

“Silly Mummy. We'll be fine” He squeaks, barely noticing as she departs.

He greets Tom at the door with a beaming smile and the baby in his arms.

“He’s good as gold” He gushes.

He doesn’t put him down until bed time. Following Tom around the house as he prepares dinner for them both, he keeps up a steady stream of babble at how proud he is and what a wonderful son he’s created.

By the time they go to bed, Stu is pre-emptively upset at the thought of having to say goodbye the next morning.

That’s when the crying starts.

It doesn’t bother him at first, babies are supposed to cry sometimes and he’s happy to be needed.

“I’ll get it” He smiles, dropping a kiss onto Tom’s hair. There’s a soft grunt in response.

Lifting Alex out of his cot he chats softly to him. “Right young man, you hungry?”

Red in the face, Alex screams his anger from Stu’s arms.

Four hours later his cheerful mood has evaporated. Alex is still screaming fit to burst and he and Tom have tried everything they can think of. Admitting defeat, he picks up the phone.

“Jess, he won’t stop screaming. I think he needs you. I think… I think he hates me”

She groans. “Stu, it’s our night off. I’m _sleeping_ ”

“He just wants his mum. I think I’d better bring him back to yours”

“Fuck” There’s some muffled speech he can’t make out before her voice is back, clearer now. “It’s not you. He’s like that every night. Try feeding him, I doubt he’ll take it but give it a go”

“He just spits it back at me” He swipes a hand through his formula-sticky hair and grimaces.

“He likes his Whinny the Pooh toy, or else try taking him for a walk round the house, try some music, maybe put the television on…I had some luck with an OU programme last week. Honestly, he’s just a bad sleeper, so I would really appreciate it if you’d let _me_ get some sleep and only contact me again if he stops breathing”

She hangs up abruptly and he rubs away tears of frustration, and collapses onto the rug feeling like he’s torturing his baby. Only… the screaming has stopped.

Ears ringing in the sudden silence he tiptoes upstairs and into Alex’s room, barely daring to breathe. By the dim light of the planet-patterned night-light he sees Tom, slumped in the armchair, his glasses askew and Alex slumbering finally, quietly, peacefully in his arms.

At least one of them is taking to this fathering lark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a two-year-old Alex spends a weekend at the Darwins, and Dakin just wants to be loved.

Dakin loves having Alexander to stay for the weekend, he really does. He often thinks – and says - he doesn’t spend enough weekends with them. Even so, there’s no denying that they can be challenging, especially with a new project meaning Tom now works most Saturdays.

Breathing deeply, Dakin reminds himself not to shout as a small shoe flies through the air, hitting him hard in the neck.

“Alex,” Keeping his voice level and reasonable is a struggle in itself. “We’re going to the park so you need to put your shoes on”

Alex grins with a sadistic joy and Stu gets the feeling that another toddler-inflicted bruise will be appearing on his flesh before the day is over.

“No!” He shouts, the grin spreading, as he takes aim with the other foot.

The old-fashioned front door clatters open, distracting Alexander and saving Stu further injury. It’s hard to say which of them is more delighted to see Tom standing in the hallway.

“I thought I’d probably miss you. Everything ok?”

“He won’t put his shoes on for me!” Stu can feel a muscle twitching in his eye.

Alex smiles angelically from where he’s flung himself up into Tom’s arms.

“Why does he have to make everything so difficult? I blame his stepfather”

“There’s a surprise”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. It’s possible that it’s his fault. On the other hand, it might be his bisexual megalomaniac role model”

“I don’t have the energy to discuss Alexander the Great with you right now” He drops the shoes and sinks down to sit on the stairs.

“Who mentioned Alexander the Great?”

“Oh har fucking har”

“Don’t swear in front of the baby” He frowns, jiggling Alex on his hip.

“He barely picks anything up from me” He mopes.

Tom glances between them and rolls his eyes.

“He’s barely ever here”

“Stu, you know I love the boy, but I feel like we don’t even have time to recover between visits as it is”

“Ah, yeah. There was a small incident.” He winces, “He _might_ have buried treasure underneath your rubber plant when I wasn’t looking”

“Stuart! Why weren’t you watching him?”

“I only turned away for a second!”

Sighing, Tom turns to Alex, who’s still clinging on with arms around his neck. “I don’t know who’s more trouble, you or your dad. Lets go to the park and I’ll clear up in here when we get back”

The evil glint returns to Alex’s eye.

“You want to feed the ducks don’t you?”

Alex nods, solemnly, the glint dimming a little.

“No shoes, no ducks, mister. I don’t make the rules”

As he slides to the floor he shoots a look at Stu that says he suspects him of getting to Tom in private, but he puts them on while Tom fetches the bag of stale bread.

_‘Thank you’_ Stu mouths as he finally shepherds Alex out of the door.

The mums at the park used to think it was adorable seeing him run around like a mad bastard, trying to catch the little gremlin on one of his many impromptu breaks for freedom, or chatting to him as they fed the ducks together, and flock to him. That was before they met Tom, however. These days it’s usually: “Hi Stuart, no Tom today?” and “How’s that lovely husband of yours?”

He’s happy to have Tom with them today, but he wouldn’t mind having a few yummy mummies take notice of him instead of lining up to catch up on chat with his significant other.

*****

“Alex, you have to eat your vegetables”

He turns away from the advancing spoon, his mouth clamped shut.

“Mummy says you love broccoli”

“Not this broccoli! I like it when Gary makes it”

Dakin is sure he can hear his heart breaking. “What’s the difference?”

“When you do it, it’s horrible” He shrugs, holding his chubby hands up in resignation.

“Right” Stu nods and turns away to hide his hurt.

Tom glances up from his book. “Alexander, if you want ice cream you have to eat your vegetables, and that’s final”

“Why would you -?” Stu is interrupted as Alex starts to wail.

“And if you’re going to make a fuss then there won’t be any Sooty either” He tops it off with a stern look that makes Stu a little weak at the knees.

Sullenly, Alex nibbles at his broccoli stem, pausing every few minutes to make gagging noises. It takes half an hour, but he eats it.

*****

He’s glad of every minute with the boy, but that doesn’t stop the tide of relief when seven o’clock rolls around and he can finally put him to bed.

“You’re doing it wrong!” Alex scolds as Stu reads his story, flopping face first onto his mattress in despair.

“Ok, how do you want me to do it?” Personally, he didn’t think he was doing a bad job of the desperately dull story about a duck and a bear.

Alex shifts to stare at him with one eye. “It’s better when Tom does it!”

Stu mooches downstairs dejectedly to where Tom is pouring half a pint of wine into a glass.

“I’m sorry,” Tom glances up, his look bordering on guilty “but I had to”

Stu had promised Jess not to drink while Alex is with them. It’s a promise he’s determined to keep, and he doesn’t blame her in the least for extracting it after the state he got himself into after they broke up. That doesn’t make it easy.

“It’s fine. He wants you”

Tom tuts and mutters something that sounds like _‘Bloody Dakins’_ “We’ll both read it to him”

*****

“I’m no good at this” He grumbles, looking on enviously as Tom down his glass of wine.

“You spoil him, that’s all”

“I can’t do anything right”

Tom smirks. “I wouldn’t say that”

Not in the mood for jokes, he sinks his head down onto Tom’s chest, hoping it won’t be noticeable how close he is to tears. “He never used to hate me.”

“He’s two years old. And a Dakin, what did you expect?”

“I just want to be loved”

Tom sets down his glss with difficulty and kisses what he can reach of Stu’s head. “I love you, and so does he.”

“Promise?” Stu whispers peeping at him from under his fringe

“Yeah, that’s why we both stick around, even if you are hopeless”

“Don’t”

Tom folds him into hug. “Promise”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's family grows and Dakin wishes it wasn't his problem - although he'll take on the extra childcare, thanks.

“Where will the baby sleep when it comes out of mummy’s tummy? He won’t have my bed will he?”

“No, he’ll have his own bed. Mummy showed you his new bedroom, didn’t she?”

“But what about when he comes here?”

“Lets talk about that tomorrow, shall we?”

“But-“

“Your bed is safe” He bends to kiss him on the forehead. “Sleep now”

It doesn’t crop up again the next morning, and Dakin assumes it’s forgotten, as so many of Alex’s questions are once the moment has passed. He’s glad not to have to revisit it; he’d much rather leave all of the family politics to Jessica. She’s the one who decided to have a baby with Gary; he doesn’t see why the task of explaining it to Alex should fall to him.

Jess has a few false starts and is in and out of hospital quite a bit in the weeks leading up to the birth. The extra time with Alex more than makes up for the difficulty of him being with them full time as far as Stu is concerned. There’s one day where Alex is tearful and grumpy because he misses his mum but he’s happy to direct the feeling into making a card for her – Stu makes a note in his diary to buy a large bunch of flowers for the nursery teacher for that suggestion - and otherwise forget all about it while he’s spoilt rotten.

“Poor little bastard, he doesn’t know what’s coming” He thinks aloud. They’re watching as Alex squeals with delight at the giraffes coming right up to their viewing platform to get their food from the zookeeper.

“A sibling isn’t a death sentence, you know. I wouldn’t want to be an only child.” Tom adds in a pointed look at Stuart, who rolls his eyes.

When they take him along to meet his brother for the first time, Alex skips and jumps along the hospital corridor, the pasta and glitter adorned card clutched triumphantly in one hand.

As soon as the door to the room opens, he flings himself straight at Jess, ignoring the baby in the cot.

“Mummy I made you a card and we went to the zoo and the Nashral History Museum to see dinosaurs and Tom took me to soft play and Daddy took me swimming and I made biscuits at nursery!” He babbles excitedly

“Wow!" She widens her eyes to show she's suitably impreesed. "Did you miss me?”

He tips his head on one side, thinking. “Yes, but not too much” he decides, striking up a steady rhythm bouncing on her lap.

At her flinch, Gary swings Alex up into his arms. “Hey, Sprout! You miss me?”

“Yeah” Alex grins, kicking his feet.

Stu smiles with sadistic pleasure as he watches the rubberized toes of those small dinosaur shoes hitting home.

There’s a sharp pain in his own ribs and he turns to Tom who is standing beside him wearing a look of studied innocence.

Taking the hint he greets Jess with a kiss on the cheek, seeing that Tom has already presented the flowers they’d bought.

“How’s he been?”

“Perfect”

“I’ve missed him so much, but I admit I’ve been glad of the break”

“An end to that now, you’ll be back with us, eh?” Gary grins, joggling the wiggling Alex.

“We’ve still got him for another week” Stu frowns at him.

“Oh, yeah I know, I meant soon”

Tom clears his throat. “How’s the little one doing?”

“Great. Want to see your brother, Alex?” Jess smiles.

He slides to the floor and grabs Dakin’s hand, pulling him over to the plastic cot. “Is he supposed to be so red and wrinkly?”

“That’s what you looked like once” Gary follows them over. Dakin frowns at him again.

“This is Gary and this is Daddy and Tom” He tells the baby

“No, Sprout. I’m Daddy to him”

Tom’s face betrays a small flicker of annoyance.

“But… what about Daddy?”

Jess takes over “You have the same mummy and different daddies”

“But… he’s still coming to Daddy and Tom’s house?”

“No, baby. He’ll stay with us”

Alex’s face falls faster than gravity. He opens his mouth in an enormous square and wails as if his life is ending.

The baby wakes up and starts crying just as he flings himself onto the floor face first and bawls, his words unintelligible through the howls.

“Alex, look at me please”

Alex completely ignores him, drumming his fists into the ground.

With a sigh, Tom begins the painful process of easing himself down beside the mardy toddler, and lays a hand gently on his back. As soon as he’s made it to the floor Gary bends and hauls him up, away from Tom and into his arms.

Stu is seized with the familiar feeling of wanting to deck him. “No need, Tom’s good at this”

“I’ve got it” He breezes out of the room taking Alex with him without another word.

Jess shrugs an apology without looking up from the baby. “He’s proud of how good he is with him”

“Fucks sake, Jess.” Dakin growls as he helps Tom off the floor.

*****

“It’s like he’s trying to show us how much better he is with our son than we are.” Stu grumbles as he massages Tom's shoulders.

“In fairness, he’s no more my son than Gary’s”

“Bollocks he isn’t!”

“I know it’s galling but isn’t it nice that he loves him? You wouldn’t want Alex to be neglected by his stepfather would you?”

“…Might mean he would come and live with us”

“Stuart!”

“No, of course not. I just can’t stand the guy. He’s got his own kid now, there’s no need to take mine”

“Alex thinks the world of you”

“You saw him in there. He had a total meltdown at the thought of being sent to us”

“Ow!"

"Sorry" He lightens up a bit on the kneading.

"Yeah, I also saw him calm down as soon as an ice cream was put in his hand. It was just a tantrum. Any idiot could have worked out that was the wrong time to bring it up with him, he was fine when Jess talked to him about it before”

“How do you know?”

“Because we talk. Oddly enough he comes up as a subject fairly often. It’s a big change for him; he’s worried about being left out, or rejected or having his new playmate taken away, or something. With the way you indulge him he’ll soon get over it”

“Does that mean I can get him that Nintendo for Christmas, after all?”

“No.”

“But-“

“He’s three years old, it’s not appropriate”

“You’re not appropriate”

“...Only if you’re a good boy”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Christmases, ten years apart. 
> 
> In which Dakin has to deal with PTSD and a stroppy pre-teen on top of the normal stress of Christmas shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A possible warning for Dakin's PTSD reaction to creepy old blokes (Hector inferred).
> 
> Because I only want to do these as wee snippets some backstory: I've decided that Dakin & Irwin have Alex in the run up to Christmas and he spends Christmas itself with Jess and Gary because Dakin doesn't really give a shit about Christmas either way except as an excuse to get drunk, and Irwin far prefers ordering a curry to cooking a turkey dinner anyway.
> 
> ...Also Alex's little brother is called Ben because ... well, it sounds more natural to refer to people by their names and that is a name.

The open plan food court, like the rest of the shopping centre, is hellishly busy and about as relaxing as root canal surgery, however, Christmas shopping with a six month old is hellish already and they both need a break before they dissolve into tearful bickering in the middle of M&S.

“You work with the guy.”

“I don’t work _with_ him, we just both appear on the same channel”

“What’s the difference?”

“Um, he does all of his filming at his house in Suffolk and does next to nothing at the office. He’s seasonal, I only see him when he comes into London for a meeting and then we might cross paths in the canteen.”

“I thought you knew him”

“Yeah, because we share a stepson”

“Ugh,” Stu takes a sip of his – vile – coffee from its nasty takeaway cup. “Don’t say that. You make him sound so… relevant. Hang on, you said he annoyed you!”

“He does, he’s a massive twat, but that’s all. I barely met him before Alex came along”

“I don’t know why we have to get him a Christmas present anyway”

“It would be extremely rude not to, we’ve got one for Jessica –"

“Yeah because she’s our friend and the mother of my child”

“ - and Alex –"

“because he’s my son”

“- and it will be embarrassing if we turn up on Boxing day with nothing for him. He’ll have got us something”

“What’s the betting it’s his cookbook?”

Tom snorts coffee out of his nose and Alex gurgles amusement from his buggy.

“I put nothing past the man who gave us the matching aprons off his fifteen minute Saturday morning cookery show like he was Laurence Olivier handing over an Oscar”

“Stop!” Tom chokes, going dark red from laughing and coughing at the same time.

“We’ll get Posner that fuck-awful cat jumper first, I suppose we might see something in Debenhams while we’re at it”

“Did you want to take Alex to see Father Christmas while we’re there?”

“What?”

Tom shrugs, “Just thought it might be a nice photo for the mantelpiece”

Coffee half way to his mouth, Stu glares at him. “My six month old son sitting on some dodgy old bloke’s lap? No thanks”

“Sorry,” Tom winces. “I didn’t think”

“What? That it might be any kiddie fiddler in a false beard? It’s a middle of the road department store, not a nursery school”

“It was a stupid suggestion, forget it. We’ll get the jumper for David, and a bottle of scotch for Gary. If he doesn’t like it then tough, it’s the thought that counts.”

~ **10 years later** ~

“Why can’t I stay home with Tom?”

“Because he’s wrapping your present”

“Why does Ben get to stay with Gary at home, and I have to come shopping?”

“Because you’re my son and it’s our day out and I want to spend time together”

“Why do we have to do it here?”

“For Christ’s sake, why do you think? I’ve got shopping to do. Help me choose something for your bloody stepfather”

“Tom or Gary?”

“Gary. I always know what to give Tom”

“Gross”

Perplexed and annoyed, Stu frowns at him but Alex is too busy looking at his phone to notice.

“Hey, Dad? How come I never got to talk to Santa?”

Dakin shrugs.

“Can I do it now?”

“No, you’re too old” Dakin’s palms are clammy at the thought, even though he’d be _there_ along with a queue of other watchful parents.

“I… I’d like to”

He looks down into Alex’s dark brown eyes, shining with excitement. Stu relishes moments like this when he’s still his sweet little boy. It won’t be long now before the stroppy teenager that he can already see under the surface breaks through and steals him away. How much longer does he have? Two more Christmases at the most.

“No, I don’t want you sitting on some weird guys’ knee. You wouldn’t do it if he weren’t in fancy dress, so I don’t think it makes it better. Come on, we’ve got to hurry if you want to get to the Chinese afterwards”

“Ugh, You ruin everything!” Alex yells, and stomps ahead, his eyes once more on his snake game.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dakin is very sad about encountering a mild kid related problem, there is the worst neighbour, and there are adorable Darwins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has fought with me at every line so any and all comments will be deeply appreciated Xx

Jamming a gloved finger in one ear to block out the sound of the referee’s whistle, Dakin holds the mobile to his freezing face with the other hand.

“Jess, hi, can you hear me? Sorry, his match is over running, so we’ll be late home”

“Any idea what time?” She sounds pissed off.

“Um, I promised him a hot dog and …” He winces in sympathy as Alex does a full body skid on a patch of wet mud. “I’d say he’ll need a bath. A couple of hours at least before you can pick him up”

“Christ! I told you, we’re driving to Buckinghamshire to stay the weekend with my parents, it’s their fiftieth wedding! They’ll want to see the kids and they insist on going to bed at ten!”

Admittedly, he’d forgotten about that, but still. “I haven’t done it on purpose. Freezing my tits off in a field isn’t my idea of a Friday night, either you know - Fuck! Our son’s just scored a goal and I was on the phone for it, so I’m going to go before he never speaks to me again”

“Fine. Just drop him to mine straight after, please. I need to get on the road in half an hour”

It’s getting dark when the kids tramp off the pitch and Dakin ushers Alex towards the welcoming warmth of the car.

“Good match?” He asks, trying to subtly warm his hands against the air vents; God forbid Alex should think he found the experience half as bad as he did. The kid can be surprisingly sensitive.

“Yeah, we won.” Alex shrugs, picking at a scab on his knee. “You didn’t see my goal, though”

“No, I was watching. Mum called and I was telling her all about it, she was dead proud. Tom will be too when I tell him.”

He brightens immediately. “And I can tell Gran and Granddad tonight”

“Yeah, about that. Your mum wants to get going soon, so is it ok if I drop you straight there? Mum’ll get the rest of your stuff on Monday”

“But - you said we’d get hotdogs”

“How about we eat them on the way?”

He’s a great kid, Dakin thinks as he drives a tired, mud-caked Alex to Jess’s. Glancing across at the passenger seat, he answers Alex’s grin with a smile of his own. The child is wrestling with a hotdog that’s almost the size of him, his hair spiked from the rain, his clothes and face streaked with mud, and ketchup smears around his mouth. His mother won’t be happy and Stu will have to have the car valeted at the weekend but it’s worth it.

It’s not a common feeling, but he enters the weekend filled with pride at his parenting abilities. Alex had a great time with them this week, his homework was done without argument, and the three of them managed a lot of quality time together, unspoiled by tantrums, sulks or calls from either his or Tom’s work.

The following Monday he happens to have the day off and he’s surprised by Jess calling in at around lunchtime and even more surprised that she appears thunderous.

“Oh, it’s you.”

“Hello to you too. Cuppa?”

She sniffs disdainfully. “I’m just here for Alex’s bag. I was expecting the cleaner.”

Unsure what he can have done wrong, he presses on, remaining cheerful. “You’re here early”

“Yes,” she folds her arms with a pointed look at him. “I had to collect him early”

Puzzled, he glances over her shoulder to see Alex waving at him animatedly from the back of the Range Rover.

“What’s the matter? Is he sick?”

“Jesus, Stu!” She explodes. “I leave him with you for two days and he comes home with lice. I got a fucking letter” She slaps it into his chest as Alex jumps out to greet him. “I’ve had to contact everyone who was at my parent’s anniversary do - "

“Calm down” Dakin resists the sudden urge to scratch at his own scalp. “All kids get them, don’t they?”

“Oh, bugger off, Stuart!” She snaps grabbing Alex’s bag and storming off. It must be bad if she’s calling him ‘Stuart’. The last time he recollects her calling him by his full name was their wedding ceremony.

“Alex, back in the car!”

He offers a farewell wave to a crestfallen Alex.

As soon as they’ve gone he heads up to Alex’s room and chucks all the bedding into the wash along with a generous capful of bleach. Then it occurs to him that they might have already spread through the house, so he washes and examines his own hair in the mirror. If it were still black it would be easy, but being almost completely grey by his mid-forties is just another unexpected turn his life has taken.

He cant find anything but, whether it’s his imagination or not, his head feels like it’s crawling so he takes a trip to the local chemist who refuses to examine his scalp, but tells him everyone in the family probably has them and sells him some shampoo. Feeling more charitable towards Jess and her mood, he heads home resisting the urge to scratch on the way. The worst part is the dread of having to tell Tom when he gets in.

He checks his emails to pass the time while the foul smelling treatment sits. There’s one waiting from the football club telling him that the lice came from there, and a less than polite message from Jess to say he forgot to give her Alex’s PE jumper and that he needs it for tomorrow.

“I know I don’t find fatherhood the easiest thing in the world, but I didn’t think it could be my fault for him coming home with nits.” He sulks, pouring himself a glass of wine that he definitely deserves while Tom unloads the washing machine.

“It isn’t” Tom tells him, “Forget it. Er, what happened to the washing?”

“I bleached it because of the…. Lice. Was that wrong?”

“Maybe.” Tom recoils from the chlorinated smell “It’s gone a funny colour”

“What? No! That’s not right. The bedding is white, bleach makes things white. Why is it yellow?”

“You definitely used bleach and not - I don’t know, washing up liquid or something?”

Stu directs his hardest stare at him. “Here” he pulls the Domestos from under the sink and holds it aloft like a courtroom exhibit.

“You used toilet bleach?”

“What’s the fucking difference? Bleach is bleach, right?”

“Based on this” He indicates the ruined washing “I’d say not”

Stu glares as Tom loses the fight with his laughter.

“Oh shit!” Something catches his eye that’s amiss among the sheets and pillowcases. He dives into the basket and retrieves the, now ruined, missing jumper.

“Shit, his PE kit. She’s going to kill me”

“She’ll get over it, we’ll buy him a new one. Where are you going?”

“Next door, maybe Mrs Brunton knows how to fix it”

“Right, and maybe they’ll announce world peace on the news. Stu, she hates us”

“It’s fine, I just won’t mention the...” He gestures awkwardly between them “…gay thing”

Tom is sipping a cup of tea in the kitchen, his hair wet and freshly combed through when Stu returns.

“No luck then?” He asks as Stu dumps the sopping wet jumper into the bin

“Nothing to be done other than dye it back, or buy a new one. Apparently this is a good example of why children need heterosexual parents”

“I did tell you. She came round leafleting for the BNP last year”

“Is there any aspect of this you aren’t finding funny?”

“Yeah, that you might have nits, please go and use the shampoo”

“I did already, thanks for the vote of confidence”

He goes through the rest of the evening on autopilot, all the while wondering how long it’ll be before he has to endure this being brought up by Tom on some tv panel show. Then he’ll get to relive it all again through his colleagues taking the piss. Through it all nags the feeling that he thought he’d finally _got this._ Apparently he was deluded.

“Is there any aspect of this which isn’t my fault?” He sighs sadly as they sprawl together on the sofa.

“None of it’s your fault, Stu.” Tom pats his lap in invitation and Stu swings his feet up, gladly.

“Tell that to Jess”

“She doesn’t blame you, not really”

“You should have heard her. He loves football though, and it’s not as if either of them take him.”

Tom mutes the telly and twists to face him. “She’s just having a hard time at home. I don’t think she’s really angry with you”

“What did she expect marrying that dickhead”

“There’s no accounting for taste. You know they’re trying to have another kid?”

“So?” Stu wiggles his toes to prompt a continuation of the foot rub.

“I got the impression from David that there have been a few problems”

“You’re such fucking gossips!”

His hint going ignored, he sticks his toes in Tom’s face. He retaliates by tickling the offending foot until Stu pulls it back sharply.

“You don’t want to know, then?”

“I didn’t say that”

“Well, tough because that’s all I know”

“Shit. We should get her round some evening, without that knob. Cheer her up a bit. Maybe we could do a group dinner, like the old days – almost like the old days. Better.” He amends with a smile at Tom.

“Flattery is beneath you” Tom rolls his eyes but takes hold of Stu’s foot again and carries on massaging.


	6. ... And One Time He Didn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dakin has a kid situation to deal with, and for once, he feels that he can handle it like a pro (and Tom and Jess agree)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for homophobic attitudes, posh children's names and a random POV change
> 
> I hope you like it Xx.

“Alexander is a lovely boy: clever, confident and happy to make friends, but I did want to have a chat about language.”

The headteacher’s office is a grand wood panelled room, well designed to be intimidating. Acutely aware of the empty seat beside him, Tom hopes he’s up to the challenge.

“He’s been using some unacceptable language in class and in the playground, which we think he might have picked it up at home.”

On the other side of him, Jessica’s face is nothing short of horrified. “We certainly never swear in front of the children” Gary is quick to agree with her.

A groan escapes Tom’s lips and three heads whip round on him. He hadn’t meant to draw attention, but there’s nothing for it now

“I suspect it’s Stuart” His lips twitch apologetically.

Nobody smiles back.

“An older brother?” The headmistress picks on her glasses to check her notes, holding them in front of her face like a magnifying glass instead of putting them on.

“My ex-husband,” Jess explains. “Alexander’s father”

Narrowing her eyes, she glances between them in confusion and more than a hint of suspicion.

“Is this not Mr Dakin?” she uses the glasses to gesture to Tom.

“Tom Irwin,” He tries not to squirm as he introduces himself “Alex’s stepfather.”

“But I thought…?”

It’s now Gary’s turn to be scrutinised as though he’s a gatecrasher.

“Tom is Stuart’s – that’s Alex’s father’s - husband, and Gary is my husband” Even Jess appears frightened, and Tom’s willing to bet she’s dealt with more posh battleaxes than the rest of them.

“I _see_.” The battleaxe visibly stiffens and replaces the spectacles carefully on the desk. “Then I think the mystery is cleared up.” She pauses to adjust them so they make a perfect right angle to the edge of the desk. “I believe Alexander’s _unusual_ home life is the problem here.” The razor sharp glare finds Tom. It puts him in mind of a death ray on a cartoon Alex was watching that weekend. “If you don’t mind, I would like to speak with Mr and Mrs Oliver alone”

The three steps to the door are excruciating; Tom can feel the disapproving stare boring into his back.

Outside, where breathing comes easier, he finds Alex sitting on a bench, swinging his legs.

“Am I dead?”

Tom sits beside him. “That all depends on what you said to your teacher”

“Didn’t she tell you?”

“I’d rather hear it from you” He bluffs.

“I didn’t say it in a bad way. Tilda just got the wrong idea. I said she was biseckshul”

“And?”

“And then she told and Mrs Chivvers went mental”

“Because you said she was bisexual?”

“Yeah”

“Why?”

“Because she told me she thinks Maisie Edwards is so pretty she can’t stop looking at her, but also she’s going out with Philip”

“No, I mean – wait, this girl has two love interests at eight years old?”

Alex looks blankly at him.

“Never mind. I meant why did Mrs Chivvers go mental?”

Alex shrugs. “She says it’s foul language”

“Jesus Christ”

“Ummm. You’ll be in trouble if Mrs Chivvers hears you”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think she likes me very much anyway. Listen -”

“What’d I miss?” Stuart, with characteristic timing, comes barrelling down the corridor. “Thanks for doing this, babe.” He greets Tom with a kiss on the cheek, before levelling a glare at his son. “What have you done? I’ve had to reschedule some very important work stuff for this, Alex. I’m very disappointed”

“Sorry, Dad.”

Tom lays a hand on his arm. “I think you’d better hear the full story before you go in”

“Polo?” Tom passes Alex a mint.

After twenty minutes the shouting doesn’t show any sign of abating. Occasionally Stuart pauses for breath and Mrs Chivvers can be heard trying to get a word in, but she never manages.

Outside, they’re entertaining themselves having a debate over whether it’s better to suck the mint until you can poke your tongue through it so you can pretend it’s for giants, or to crunch it up straight away like a horse, when the door opens to reveal Stuart.

“Alex, Tom.”

They glance at each other and shrug before filing inside.

Mrs Chivvers is standing behind her desk, looking like she’s been force-fed a lemon.

“I… owe you an apology. The school strives to welcome families of all backgrounds and…” She breathes in as if steeling herself. Beside her Stu’s face is dark with rage. “I may have overreacted in my eagerness to protect the children’s innocence. Alexander, I would ask you to confine your discussion of these things to biology lessons, and not the playground, but you are not in trouble. I will be reinstating your merit points.”

A grin splits his little face and Stuart turns to Jess and Gary without sparing her a second glance. “We’re taking Alex for supper, if that’s ok. I’ll drop him back at eight”

Jess nods, biting her cheek to stifle a laugh.

“Dad, you were amazing!” Alex practically shrieks as soon as they’re in the corridor again, his grin showcasing the gaps where his adult teeth will soon be pushing through.

“Not while the wicked witch of the west is listening”

Jess steps on his foot for that, but she kisses Stu on the cheek and thanks him as she waves them off outside.

“I thought I’d be double-grounded” Alex giggles through a mouthful of chips. “Forever!”

“Yeah, and if you’d done something wrong then you would be, understand?” Stu levels his fork at him across the table. “I’m going to be spending all week trying to catch up on work”

“Which is not Alexander’s fault” Tom reminds him, resting a hand protectively on Alex’s shoulder.

“No, it’s that homophobic headmistress’s” He snorts. “’Biology class’. What has sexuality got to do with that?”

“It helps to have some basic anatomy” Tom mutters - not quietly enough, apparently because Alex drops his head into his hands with a dramatic flare that’s so reminiscent of his father that Tom is forced to bite back a laugh.

“Ugh, Tom! Shuddup!” He groans.

Chuckling, Stuart ruffles his hair “Embarrassed, Sport?”

“No, it’s just gross. It’s bad enough everyone in school asks me all the questions just because Mum’s having a baby and my dad’s biseckshul. They can’t even get that right most of the time. Quentin keeps telling me you’re gay.” He adds a shake of the head that tells them what he thinks of Quentin’s intelligence.

Tom meets Stu’s eye across the table to find him red-faced from holding in his own laughter.

Eager not to ruin the evening by upsetting Alex, he apologises for being gross, but Stu isn’t so quick to drop the subject.

“Maybe they ask you because you’re smart, ever think of that?”

Alex looks unimpressed at him over his glass of artificial orange fizz “Sure, Dad”

“Well, why should you know more than them?”

“I don’t, but they don’t believe me.”

“They don’t believe you because they know you’re clever. Your mum definitely isn’t the only one having a baby”

Alex toys with a piece of cod, reluctance waging a war with something else across his face.

“What?”

“I’m the only one whose dad has a boyfriend, though” He sighs, a little guiltily Tom thinks.

Stu shoots him a helpless look and he shrugs.

“Ok, well… anything you want to know, you can always ask - you know that, right?”

“I don’t want to know anything. I just want to be normal” HE sinks his head onto his hand and stares at his plate

Stu looks crestfallen and Tom takes that as his cue to jump in.

“Alex, you are normal, ok. Like your dad said to that dreadful teacher: there’s nothing wrong with being straight, or gay or bisexual or anything else, These kids are probably only asking because no one else has told them that”

Stuart is quiet on the way home after dropping Alex back. Tom asks a couple of times if he’s alright but beyond saying he’s thinking about Alex, he doesn’t respond.

He finally breaks his silence when they get in. “I’m going to write a letter to that school”

“Good” Tom shrugs off his coat and goes to turn the light on. “It’s a disgrace”

“I mean, not about that. Well, a bit about that, but about them putting on some proper sex-ed classes for the children. We pay enough for the bloody place and if the kids want to know so badly they’re bothering other kids then – well, they shouldn’t go through their childhood wondering if there’s something wrong with them. Not like we did”

Quickly masking his surprise, Tom steps closer, “That’s a good idea.” Blocking the door to the sitting room, he drops his voice lower and licks his lips. “I was very impressed today. Alex thinks you’re a hero, and he’s not the only one”

Stu’s face lights up in a beaming smile. “I did do a pretty good job, didn’t I?”

“Oh yeah” Tom purrs reaching behind him to flip the light back off, leaving them bathed in the soft light from the streetlamps filtering through the glass.

Stu’s hands find their way inside his shirt and he hisses at the chill even as he presses closer. Cold noses soon warm up against flushed cheeks, and warm clothes are gladly exchanged for frigid skin.

“Tell me again?” Stu demands, and he keeps up a litany of praise as they stumble upstairs and into bed.

By the time he drifts off to sleep, Tom’s head pillowed on his sweaty arm, Stu feels invincible: every inch the strong, supportive sexy daddy figure Tom promised he was - repeatedly.


End file.
